their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
