New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize