so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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