this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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