i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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