I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
