At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
