those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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