and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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