I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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