Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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