How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
two words: eviction party
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
