How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
