i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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