how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
