I need help removing her.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
