The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
