Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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