First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
