Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
