HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
