I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
