as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
