It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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