if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
