so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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