True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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