i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
