R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
