Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So much rum. So many feels.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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