If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
