but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
