I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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