I haven't been this sober since birth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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