My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
