looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
