It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
