She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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