Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
