Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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