I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
