if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
