You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
