So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
