I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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