I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
