He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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