just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
