Life is so much better after having sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
