My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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