pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
