I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
