I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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