Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize