I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
