YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
