thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
