Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
