I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
