where am i from again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
