I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When are your genitals available?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize