Cold hands, warm shart.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize